A LOOK Inside the elephant's Brain

EXTROVERTED

STUCTURE

EMPATHETIC

EXTROVERTED

STRUCTURE

EMPATHETIC

These kiddos gain energy by engaging with outside stimuli: people, activities, conversation, etc. They prefer to go and do and need to talk out loud to process their thoughts. You can expect extroverted kiddos to enjoy playing and interacting with friends rather than being alone. 

Decisions are made based on emotions, empathy, and how it will affect other people. They avoid conflict and confrontation because it does not encourage internal harmony. They desire to feel valued and need affirmation first before they can receive any kind of constructive criticism. They tend to see the good in people and are more concerned with maintaining harmonious relationships.

They thrive with plans, lists, and schedules. Creating chore lists, to-do lists, and a plan of the day/ week will help these kiddos thrive within their world. They want to know what is expected and for tasks to be clearly defined. They also desire closure – whether it is finishing a project before starting a new one or closure to a conflict between others. Closure enables them to mentally move on from one thing to the next thing. They appreciate predictability, and last-minute changes tend to frazzle them. They prefer to work hard and then play and typically manage their time well. 

It’s good to know what ingredients make up your kiddo’s personality; however, it’s also helpful to understand how this plays out at home. 

As Elephants receive information into their brain, their primary focus is on maintaining connection within relationships and harmony in the environment. Before making a decision, they will consider what is best for those around them and give little thought to what is best for themselves. This process is manifested in the Elephant’s expression and understanding of how other people feel and their friendliness, warmth, and empathy towards them. Since relational disconnection is distressing, these kiddos tend to be the ones who will give in, agree to or endure an uncomfortable situation to ensure others have peace. They are masters at reading and understanding the emotional cues of others and then at adjusting their behavior accordingly to try and enhance connection. If the environment feels happy, the Elephant feels happy. If the environment feels stressed, the Elephant feels stressed. Why? Because they thrive when they feel connected to others and withdrawal when they feel disunity or disconnection. This is why these kiddos tend to feel responsible for others’ feelings and find it challenging to separate their own emotions from those of others.

To understand this unique brain wiring, here’s an example: Let’s say I, as a mama to an Elephant, had a tough day, and it’s clear that I’m stressed. I withdraw, sigh, huff and puff, and am short with replies. My Elephant, trying to understand what the heck is going on, asks me, “What’s wrong, Mom?”

I respond aggressively, “I’m fine!” as my body language and facial expressions tell a different story. My little Elephant feels the tension and disconnection from me and feels confused. My words are saying I’m fine but my behavior is saying the opposite.

The Elephant’s outside world no longer has a sense of harmony, and it’s evident that I, as her mom, have unexpressed wants and needs that my Elephant is unaware of. Now she’s left with a dilemma. Should she approach me again to analyze my needs, risking further disconnection? Or should she avoid asking me again, assuming that leaving me alone may bring more peace to the environment but keep her in a state of uneasiness?   

Elephant kiddos tend to give conflict more power than it deserves. That’s why Elephants thrive in an emotionally safe home environment - a place where talking through things and discussing feelings are welcomed. They need to maintain connection through conflict and to be assured that everyone is on the same page. Elephants will benefit from adults who are aware of their feelings and know how to effectively navigate through conflict. These kiddos thrive when problems and conflict can be dealt with in a healthy and calm way and when the relational connection is restored as quickly as possible.